Harvard professor Arthur Brooks explains false expectations and fighting back to achieve true happiness.
Transcript:
Conway Gittens: Envy is a big topic in your book. How how do we deal with I guess it’s the consumption that’s driven by when we see people on Instagram, we want to be like them. We want what they have. We think it’s going to make us happy.
Arthur Brooks: Yeah, the reason we think that’s going to make us happy is not because of the thing, but because of what it represents. We are a hierarchical, kin based species. Human beings are, you know, we come from these kin based groups where who the alpha is, you know who the rank order of these people are. And how do you know that somebody higher order in the kin and among your kin and your tribe? The answer is they have more stuff. They have more access to resources. So therefore, if we can demonstrate that we have more resources that we need, we’re saying that we’re higher in the hierarchy and that’s really pleasurable or so it seems. Now, the reason that that’s become a lot more of an issue in people’s lives is because social media has made it possible for us to consume an impression of people we would never have access to before. You know, I can look at famous movie stars and say, wow, look at the life that they’re leading, that shows that they’re important, that shows that they’re high in the hierarchy. I want that. So how am I going to get it? By having enough money to do that. I don’t have it right now. I’m going to go borrow. Then I’ll be happy. It’s not true. It’s a trick. It’s what’s happening from us. And so you’ve got to protect yourself by saying, look, this medium is it’s taken over my brain. It’s leading me to have false assumptions and wrongful expectations.
Conway Gittens: But aren’t we hard wired that way? I mean, if you think of back in the day, if you saw, you know, another caveman or cave woman with more, you wanted more. I mean, isn’t that what war has almost been all about, wanting more, seeing what somebody else has and wanted it. So how do we undo that?
Arthur Brooks: Well, we’re not hardwired. We’re soft wired. And, you know, the truth is that we have free will as well. That’s one of the reasons that I teach happiness at Harvard, because when you have the knowledge, you can change your habits and you can say I’m doing that thing again, I’m doing that crazy thing again. I’m comparing myself to other people because it’s the thing I saw on social media. And as soon as you realize that, then you’re free. You’re really free yourself. Knowledge is power for people when they understand these natural evolved tendencies. It’s soft wiring, not hard wiring and knowledge will get you around that soft wiring.
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