Expert breaks down his top three tips for effective communication as well as how to manage public speaking anxiety.
Transcript:
CONWAY GITTENS: So tell me, Matt, what are your top three tips for being a better communicator?
MATT ABRAHAMS: I do think if we focus on three things, we can be much more effective. First, we have to manage our anxiety. Most people get nervous in high stakes communication situations, be they planned or you’ve thought about it and you’ve created an outline or spontaneous just in the moment. So we need to learn to manage our anxiety. And there are things we can do to address symptoms and sources. Second, we have to have a clear goal. All high stakes communication should be goal driven and to me, a goal has three parts information, emotion, and action. In other words, you need to ask yourself, what do you want your audience to know. How do you want them to feel and what do you want them to do. And finally, we need to structure our information.
So we package it up so it’s easy for our audience to understand. Many of us, when we communicate, we just list and itemize information. Our brains do not do well with lists. In fact, when I go to the grocery store, if I have more than three items, I need to write it down. What helps is a structure, a logical connection of ideas. For example, many people are familiar with problem, solution, benefit. You start with some issue or challenge. You talk about how you solve it, and then you talk about the benefits of doing it. Problem solution benefit is an example of one of many structures you can use to help. So manage anxiety, have a clear goal leverage structure.
CONWAY GITTENS: So you drilled down on clear goals and on structure, but you didn’t when it came to managing anxiety. And that might be what’s making people more anxious. So talk to us about how to deal with that anxiety?
MATT ABRAHAMS: Absolutely so first and foremost, to realize it’s normal and natural to feel nervous in high stakes situations, we have to take a two pronged approach, both symptoms and sources. We can manage the symptoms we feel. So, for example, many people feel a rapid heart rate or they get shaky or they begin to blush and perspire. And there are things we can do to manage that. For example, take some deep belly breaths, the kind of breath you take if you’ve ever done yoga or Tai Chi where you really feel your lower abdomen and the key is the exhalation. My rule of thumb, or I like to joke the rule of lung is you want your exhale to be twice as long as your Inhale. So if I take a 3 count in, I take a six count out. If I’m shaky, I want to do purposeful movement. The shakiness is adrenaline, trying to move us from a threatening situation to a safer situation. So if we move by doing big, broad, appropriate gestures, so we take a step towards our audience, if we’re standing, that can help us reduce shaking.
We can manage many of the symptoms, but we also have to think about sources. And there are many. Let me mention one. Many of us are made nervous because of the goal we have. I just said having a goal is important, but it can actually add to our anxiety. A goal is a concern about a future state. I want to get the funding. I want to get the support those are in the future. If I can become present oriented, I can be less nervous about not achieving that future goal and there are lots of things we can do to make ourselves present oriented. We can do something physical, walk around the building.
CONWAY GITTENS: Sometimes, it’s not just what we say, but what we look like when we’re saying it. So what role does nonverbal communication, like body language, play into effective communication?
MATT ABRAHAMS: It weighs heavy. The way we say something matters a lot. So let me give you a few really quick tips. First, you want to show yourself as big. Many of us, when we’re nervous, in particular, make ourselves small. Pull your shoulder blades down. That makes you look big. Keep your head straight. Avoid tilting your head. So you want to be big, balanced and still, when you gesture, gesture broadly go beyond your shoulders. Many of us, when we’re nervous or unsure, we gesture in front of our chest, just go slightly beyond your shoulders and then finally vary your voice. If I speak in a very monotone way, it doesn’t help me make my point because it doesn’t demonstrate my passion, my authentic way of communicating. So big, balanced and still with your body gesture beyond your shoulders vary your voice. You will be seen as confident and having passion for what it is you’re discussing.
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